Where I’ve been: Author James Baldwin put into words my life so far: “Man does not remember the hand that struck him, the darkness that frightened him, as a child; nevertheless, the hand and darkness remain with him, indivisible from himself forever, part of the passion that drives him….”
Living in almost constant fear as a child marked me and made me, in many ways, who I am to this day. There’s an obvious drawback to this reality. Certain people and situations frighten me and I can’t prevent it from happening. However, on the positive side, I hate this reality so much that I have a passion for raising my kids in a more loving and graceful manner. While I want my children to respect me, I absolutely do not want them to be frightened of me.
Where I’m going: Author Lewis Smedes put into words what I want the rest of my life to be: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” As a dad, I’ve worked hard to break the cycle and help my kids keep “the hand and darkness” from remaining with them when they’re adults. But as a son, I want to stop dealing with the hand and the darkness. I want to render them powerless as a fuel for the passion that drives me. I can do this through forgiveness.
A couple of words in the Greek New Testament are rendered “forgive” or “forgiveness” in English. One of them is aphesis, literally meaning “to send away.” That’s one place I’m going. I’m releasing those who hurt me and scared me; they’re in God’s hands now, not mine. The other term is charizomai, which signifies “to bestow a favor” or to “show kindness.” I’m going there, too. I’ll choose to show kindness even when it’s completely unnatural and undeserved. My kind acts will free me from the emotional prison of unforgiveness.
We read in 1 Peter 3:9, “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” Hatred imprisoned me, but kindness gives me my ticket out. I will love my enemies, as Brian Jones writes, “personal enemies with names and faces and horrible parenting skills.” I’m going there. Want to come with me?
Troy Burns