The Same Dad Only Different

We did it! Or, should I say, he did it. I’m talking about high school graduation, but as you probably know (and I’m trying to learn), the day was all about my son, despite my efforts to make it about me. Watching him walk across the stage, my emotions embarked on a roller-coaster ride ranging from extreme pride and gratitude to choked-back tears of grief over what I’m “losing.” But could it be that my loss is really a gain?

Kami Gilmour is a mom who’s a Christian and has wrestled through the challenge of having her kids grow up and leave home; she’s gone through that pain and grief and deep heartache that comes with letting go. So, she started sharing her stories on Lifetree’s

SoulFeed blog. This led to her writing a book: Release My Grip: Hope for a Parent’s Heart as Kids Leave the Nest and Learn to Fly. I highly recommend this book, especially for those like me who have a child graduating and heading off to college.

There’s so much I love about Gilmour’s writings, but if I had to narrow it down to one quote that’s helped me the most, it would be this: “Be fully present to support them and look forward to the future through the lens of their life, not backward through the lens of my life.” While I grieve letting go, my son is excited to leave the nest and experience the freedom of young adulthood. While I long for the days when he needed me, he is eager to live in a much more independent way. While I sit here wishing he had chosen a college close to home, he is beyond thrilled to live in a completely different part of the country.

I hate to admit it, but I really should be excited for him because 30 years ago, I was excited about the same things. As a dad, I want to raise strong, independent young people with a foundation of good morals and values, who will live exceptional lives with little help from me. So why should I be sad when that goal is accomplished? Be careful what you wish for, right? No, I don’t believe the goal was wrong, I just need to get used to this new phase of life where I become friends with my son and get to know him as an adult, even while I hope to set a good example and still have some influence. I want him to CHOOSE to love me and to WANT a relationship with me. That’s ultimately my dad’s heart and it sounds very much like another Father I know.
 
Troy Burns